Episode 3

So this show starts with Sean working out.  AGAIN.  Except it’s the same footage as last week.  So it’s safe to say he only worked out once during the entire season of the Bachelor and his ABS are actually just implants.

Last week

This week

1^st ONE on ONE: Lesley M.
Every successful one on one date must start with a suitcase.  It adds to the drama of whether or not the girl will be sent home with just that one bag, leaving the rest of the girls to fight over the rest of her belongings back in the house.  Well played ABC.  It also serves as a suitcase #ad.

#ad

Lesley is wearing the cutest lace dress, which still makes me wonder if Sean will send her packing since he didn’t seem to being into lace on night one.  (BCBGeneration)

Anyway, we find out Sean’s and brother in-law and dad hold a record and Lesley is super impressed.  Or maybe she's feaking being impressed.  I don't know.

 

Their date turns out to be the longest kiss on camera.  The guy from the Guinness record talks about it like some sort of "procedure".  Lesley looks really nervous.  It ends up being the most boring kiss in history of Guinness Record. Congrats!!!!  You just wasted 3 minutes and 16 seconds of my life. 

most boring kiss in history of Guinness Record

It wouldn’t be a victory without the confetti however.  Every amazing kiss ends in confetti. 

confetti

Lesley M. & Sean get a plaque, which will appear in court for custody when they breakup, during a LIVE Bachelor Special “After the Plaque”.  Stay tuned for more details.

The plaque

The notion that Desire introduced to us last week also gets reinforced on this date:
--> If a couple still holds hands after being married for a long time, they have an awesome marriage.  For a geek, you would think she would have more insight!!!

 

Before getting the date rose, Lesley must pass one last test.  Can she kiss and hold her drink at the same time, without spilling it on Sean???  If she passes the test, she gets the rose.  

What am I supposed to do with my drink???

Since she passes the test, she gets a rose.  Can she master kissing and holding a rose? 

 I guess she did, because like I said, every awesome kiss ends up with confetti. 

More confetti

Is this real life?  Oh, I guess not.

Group date:  Sean brings his group of catty women with to a sunny California beach, where they can roll around in their bikinis provided by the show, while the camera crew film and make fantastic advertisement.  #ad

He tells the girl: “Don’t break my money maker” talking about his nose.  They all laugh, thinking he’s joking, but he wasn’t. 

Money maker

Sean finally discovers that it’s not his money maker when the lady from the advertising company yells at him to take off his shirt. So he does.

But then Chris Harrison shows up and tells them: “this isn’t an ad campaign.  You are here for love.  Get a grip or go home.”

So Catherine does a push up on Sean, thinking that’s what Chris meant.  She stole that move from Emily’s season, and caught in the moment, thought it was appropriate to repeat something from the bachelor.  NEVER REPEAT something on the bachelor.  That’s unheard of.

And then the most chocking thing in bachelor history happens.  They will be divided up in teams and compete in a game of beach volleyball!!! The winning team spends the evening with Sean, while the losing team gets to spend the evening alone (with other ladies and the camera crews) at the mansion (preferably crying for good TV).  The girls are shocked.  Anyone else but me would watch the show before going on it???  

The girls paint themselves with “S” for Sean.  Or Suck Up.  It was hard to tell.

Daniella says she is so bad at volleyball.  Turns out she was right!  (but I’m much worse)

What she does possess is amazing beach hair.  Jealous.

The competition is hot and heavy.  And sandy.  Actually mostly sandy.  And long.  

Finally someone wins.  But there are so many people on this show that we still don’t have any idea who won.  We only know that Kristy lost because she will not stop crying.

It’s only most chocking to finally see who wins when the show resumes back in “Sean’s place”, which obviously is not his place.  So I think I’ve got this...  Catherine, Leslie, Daniella, Tierra, Kristy and Jackie got sent CRYING, all the way home.  But not in a limo.  In a mini van, with awesome crying shots.  Cry me an ocean.  I don’t care.

At the after party, the battle continues for the date rose, minus the sand.  Although I bet those girls are itching their heads like crazy after that beach day, trying to figure out the best strategy for the night with Sean. 

Lindsey gets the first time with Sean, and the main thing I take out of it, is poor lighting.  AGAIN people, get it together.

Sean feels so bad about that it being so dark, so his kisses her and says: “I didn’t know you had this side to you.”  And I’m so confused.  Is he talking about a dark side?  Either way, he must like dark sides, because he shows us the first HEAD/HAND grabbing of the season.  Arie is cheering.

Desire is next, she’s so confident. Sean totally digs it.  Sean: “I don’t think I’ll get tired of you.” Des: “No,  I’m fun.”  She's got this :)

Back in the mansion, Tierra has her first attempt at being funny, pretending Selma’s name is on the date card, when in fact she is not.  And this is the face Selma made:

Enough said.

Amanda declares, it’s: “this is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.  I’m a light airy person.”  I think maybe she was edited to be dark.  Serious, can anyone who wears a yellow dress be dark??  Are the girls right?  Time will tell.

Kacie has the best outfit!!  Love that skirt and shirt (from urban behavior!!!!).  

However, seams like she has not found a job yet, other than “ben’s season”

With a job like that, she decides to be selfish and play games with Sean!!  So she will tell on the girls who are bringing drama (and not really), thinking Sean will not find that attractive.  Well if Sean will not find drama attractive, why is she being dramatic?  I think that’s where I got completely lost in the strategy, that wasn’t even a strategy at all.  But this is kindda what they said: “Kacie B.:  “I feel like I’ve got punched in the face.” (I don’t know how how she got that’s a punch in the face, maybe during the volleyball game???)  Sorry Kacie, I do love you, but no one is punching you.  You are being the reporter of bad news.  And Sean responded:  “I want Kacie back, not like this crazy person that I’m seeing.”  OH no he didn’t.

Anyway, since Lindsay is cute and had poor lighting during her one on one, he gives her the rose.   

We’re not sure if Robyn and Taryn ever made it to the party that night.  They were later on spotted back at the mansion so we assume all is well with them. 

2^nd One on One date:  AshLee & Selma (or not Selma) and my heart breaks.  My achy achy heart. That was a cruel joke.  Thankfully there is another #ad for bags (actually 2) so that I have something else to be mad at besides Tierra. 

This is also when I thought I saw Ella Nolan in the background, the girl they used to dub AshLee’s voice since she is actually mute.

But then Jeff the mask comes out from behind a pillar and scares Tierra so bad that she comes tumbling down a whole stair.  But the reason she cannot speak after this event, is because when she opened her eyes, she was faced with a giant bear.  Or was that Elan (Bachelor Producer)???

So Sean comes around, takes a look at her and says: “As a guy who’s had several concussions, I’m thinking, we need to get her to a hospital.”  And no one is worried that the guy who’s had SEVERAL concussions is calling the shots here?

And the plot thickens, as I shed a tear missing Ames while looking at an ambulance.

AshLee is not impressed at Jeff the mask at this point because he is costing her some serious time. This is for real her angry face:

Tierra is freaking out, realizing that all she’s wearing is a fishing net, so she refuses medical treatment.   

Catherine, who has had fantastic quotes so far, says “Maybe Sean is her magic potion.”  For some reason the women are getting suspicious, that maybe this was staged, but I just think maybe she doesn’t have any medical insurance?

But turns out that concussion do get you some butt grabbing by no other than Sean.  At this point Tierra is totally #winning. 

And AshLee turns into a worse version of whinny than my 3 year old.  NOT sexy. 

Back to the date, Sean says: “I want to see if she has some kid into her.”  What?  He wants a pregnant bachelorette???

When the couple finally heads to Six Flags Magic Mountain, where AshLee’s hair is in for the test of her life.  First convertible car ride and then the amusement park!!! 

I was so pumped when Sean revealed that he had offered to share the date with the 2 girls who suffer from a chronic illness - Emilie and Brianna from the Starlight Foundation's Starbright World program (a closed social network for seriously ill teens and their siblings).  The 2 girls became best of friends and get to see each other in person for the very first time on national TV!  Brianna (17) and Emilie (20) met on September 2011. They instantly bonded over a share love of pop culture, rollercoasters and of course their experience living with mitochondrial disease, (a failure of the mitochondria, which can lead to muscle weakness, visual problems, organ disease,  respiratory disorders, and neurological problems).

How cool is that???  This is another reason why I love this show :)  You can check them out here: http://www.starbrightworld.org/default_login.aspx?ReturnURL=%2fhome.aspx

AshLee wears a cute dress, a bit short for the date, but I’m assuming she had no idea what the date was and the producer thought this was gold TV so they didn’t tell her.  Smart move.

After the day of fun in the park, Sean has another surprise: a private concert by his favorite country group, ELI YOUNG BAND, an American country music band (Mike Eli (vocals, guitar), James Young (guitar), Jon Jones (bass guitar), and Chris Thompson (drums)). You can check them out here.  Or don’t.  http://www.eliyoungband.com/  I probably won’t.

So they are dancing, and we go to commercial to Chris Harrison’s voice saying: “if you know a Bachelor” and I’m giddy over the fact that it strangely looks like Chris H himself. 

Back from commercial, it turns out AshLee is so endearing (not my words)!!!  She wants to adopt.  She was adopted.  I’ll adopt her. Can I do that?  I guess not.  But I would.  She could organize my house.  Wait!!!  Is Sean crying?  Fine, you can have her Sean.  I won’t take her away.

After their emotional chat and her getting the rose because by that point Sean is mortified he cried yet again on national TV, turns out the band was just waiting around for them to be done so they could dance some more.  What???

And all that gushy talk makes AshLee cry too.

Cocktail Party
At the cocktail party, Sean tries to beat the record for saying “y’all” on screen during a 1 minute segment.  Unfortunately the jury was missing, so he didn’t get a second plaque, but I’m confident he won.

Trying not to get ripped to pieces crazy hyenas chasing him he decides to bring Sarah’s dog (Leo) in the house to help him fight off the ladies.  Sarah freaks out thinking she’s going home, but we all know limos are not for going home.  Only to bring in puppies.

But soon Leo gets tired of the ladies and resumes playing with his ball, so Sean is left alone with the hyenas.   

Desiree’s hair was super cute, even if she didn’t get much time to chat with Sean, he’s totally into her.   

Lesley M. Was rocking the chunky necklace and I’m falling more in love with her every second. 

He off course has to talk to Kacie, because that dress is just plain strange.  So he bends over to check out the scubbadiving suit, only to realize that it’s a dress.

Things are supper awkward after that and Selma shows up in an freaking cute dress...
 

So Sean runs out to get Chris Harrison to announce that it’s rose ceremony time.  

But first, he has to “talk to Kacie”, refusing to send her home with her thinking he was trying to look under her dress.  After their chat, he sends her home.  Not in a limo.  Those are for puppies. In a minivan.  Obviously she was expecting a boat.  What a dive.  #scubadiving

But the biggest take down of the night belongs to Tierra.  Just saying.  

Catherine looked so pretty.  She always does!  WOW

There was something also in the way that Sean said “Selma” that was so sexy.  Yipee!

My favorite was Amanda, simply because her tag was showing...  And no one told her???

These ladies got roses:
Amanda, 26, fit model, Newport Beach, California
AshLee F., 32, personal organizer, Houston, Texas
Catherine, 26, graphic designer, Seattle, Washington
Daniella, 24, commercial casting associate, San Francisco, California
Desiree, 26, bridal stylist, Los Angeles, California
Jackie, 25, cosmetics consultant, Boynton Beach, Florida
Kacie B., 25, administrative assistant, Clarksville, Tennessee
Lesley M., 25, political consultant, Washington, D.C.
Leslie H., 29, poker dealer, Los Angeles, California
Lindsay, 24, substitute teacher, Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri
Robyn, 24, oil field account manager, Houston, Texas
Sarah, 26, advertising executive, Los Angeles, California
Selma, 29, real estate developer, San Diego, California
Tierra, 24, leasing consultant, Denver, Colorado

These ladies were sent packing: 

Taryn, 30, heath club manager, Troutdale, Oregon – with a horrible dress went home, saying: “I don’t think I’m sweet enough for him.”  Maybe he never called you honey, but that definitely wasn’t the issue I’m sure.

Kristy, 25, model, Darien, Wisconsin – “I hope my chance will come some day.”  Actually it did.  You got your contract no??

So Sean closes it off by saying: “Now I feel like a pimp”.  Only now???

MOST CHOCKING: Turns out the: “I can’t believe they did this to me” voice from Tierra belonged to next week episode after all, unlike the previews showing us that voice with her falling down the stairs.  Nice trick ABC.